Where Is My Mom? Part 1
I just wanted to take a walk...really. That is the solace these days, in these times, when not reading, typing, or yapping on the phone with Man About Town Chip Magee. On the other hand, sometimes too much reading reintroduces one to the evil that is still so much with us. So as I began another daily walk in a wonderful local state park (with hundreds of my best friends, I might add...no staying home in this part of Bucks County, Pa.!) I came across a toy giraffe lying on the walking path near the creek that runs through Tyler State Park. A child's toy, abandoned or lost, as it were. And just like that, the story that was obviously lying there in my mind (or more accurately had been pushed aside), reared it's sad, ugly head. And as I kept walking I wondered over and over again, did young Thomas Valva have his toy giraffe with him when he died.
A few years ago, Thomas Valva's parents separated, and divorce proceedings began. The family was from the greater New York City area and the legal proceeding fell under the auspices of Nassau County. The three young brothers (including Thomas) stayed with their mom when the separation began, before the divorce proceedings. That's the way it usually happens...trust me, I know. Mom gets the kids and Dad visits. What happened after this is something that needs to be talked about.
Without overwhelming the reader in a bunch of legal minutiae, at the end of the divorce proceedings the Nassau County Judge, a Ms. Hope Zimmerman, decided to give full custody to the father and exclude the mother of any visitation rights, whatsoever. Mind you, the mother had no history of abuse, or mental or physical issues, or anything else that might warrant such a decision. By all accounts she was a good mother. Witness after witness testified to her competence, her love, and her overriding desire to care for her sons. But for reasons that we may never know, this was not enough for Judge Zimmerman.
As time went on, it became clear that this decision was a horrific one. The local school district became concerned that the young Valva brothers were not being fed properly at home and that there may be abuse happening at the hands of their father and step-mother. What happened next was that young Thomas Valva was made to sleep on the floor of the outdoor garage of his father...in the middle of winter. Obviously, there were nights when Thomas survived this horrific abuse. In the end, he did not. Did he have his plastic toy and did he call out for his Mom on the night he died? Young Thomas Valva was 8-years-old. His father was 42. The banality of evil in this man, is frightening. For a father to do what this man is accused of...well, I'd like to think that no jury would convict one of taking a shotgun...anyway. As of this writing the case is still in the judicial system.
When I first read about this I got caught up in the divorce-law surrounding the case (because I'm a child of divorce and a dork). I mean, how does a mother, who for all intents and purposes, lose total custody and visitation rights to her son? Especially when the mother has absolutely no marks or testimony, against her. I know divorced families...again, I'm one of them. The father never gets this kind of juice. I understand that a few hundred years ago, the dad always got the kids. It made sense; he had the money, was able to provide for the children, etc. But then, as time went on, divorce law came up with a "Nurturing Years" doctrine. It was decided that mothers are better equipped to care for children, especially in those early years. And as we gather more and more information about our genome and the differences between men and women, it's frighteningly clear that mothers (again, for the most part), are much more equipped to care for infants and youngsters. Unfortunately the law has come full circle, where fathers have lobbied for, and won "joint custody rights." The legal argument has been that fathers are not being given equal rights (ironically, this legal doctrine is based upon the women's movement of the late-60s and early-70s). This has been a disaster for children.
Look, I'm not saying that every mother is a good mother. Like most people reading this, I remember the Texas mother who drowned her 5 young children in the bathtub. Or the mom who put her two kids in the trunk of the car and rolled that car into a lake. It's not a perfect world. The heart breaks at every child who dies at the hands of an adult. But having said all of this, the law and especially judges needs to be cognizant of the biological and social facts.
Anyway, there's always more to the story...stay tuned.
A few years ago, Thomas Valva's parents separated, and divorce proceedings began. The family was from the greater New York City area and the legal proceeding fell under the auspices of Nassau County. The three young brothers (including Thomas) stayed with their mom when the separation began, before the divorce proceedings. That's the way it usually happens...trust me, I know. Mom gets the kids and Dad visits. What happened after this is something that needs to be talked about.
Without overwhelming the reader in a bunch of legal minutiae, at the end of the divorce proceedings the Nassau County Judge, a Ms. Hope Zimmerman, decided to give full custody to the father and exclude the mother of any visitation rights, whatsoever. Mind you, the mother had no history of abuse, or mental or physical issues, or anything else that might warrant such a decision. By all accounts she was a good mother. Witness after witness testified to her competence, her love, and her overriding desire to care for her sons. But for reasons that we may never know, this was not enough for Judge Zimmerman.
As time went on, it became clear that this decision was a horrific one. The local school district became concerned that the young Valva brothers were not being fed properly at home and that there may be abuse happening at the hands of their father and step-mother. What happened next was that young Thomas Valva was made to sleep on the floor of the outdoor garage of his father...in the middle of winter. Obviously, there were nights when Thomas survived this horrific abuse. In the end, he did not. Did he have his plastic toy and did he call out for his Mom on the night he died? Young Thomas Valva was 8-years-old. His father was 42. The banality of evil in this man, is frightening. For a father to do what this man is accused of...well, I'd like to think that no jury would convict one of taking a shotgun...anyway. As of this writing the case is still in the judicial system.
When I first read about this I got caught up in the divorce-law surrounding the case (because I'm a child of divorce and a dork). I mean, how does a mother, who for all intents and purposes, lose total custody and visitation rights to her son? Especially when the mother has absolutely no marks or testimony, against her. I know divorced families...again, I'm one of them. The father never gets this kind of juice. I understand that a few hundred years ago, the dad always got the kids. It made sense; he had the money, was able to provide for the children, etc. But then, as time went on, divorce law came up with a "Nurturing Years" doctrine. It was decided that mothers are better equipped to care for children, especially in those early years. And as we gather more and more information about our genome and the differences between men and women, it's frighteningly clear that mothers (again, for the most part), are much more equipped to care for infants and youngsters. Unfortunately the law has come full circle, where fathers have lobbied for, and won "joint custody rights." The legal argument has been that fathers are not being given equal rights (ironically, this legal doctrine is based upon the women's movement of the late-60s and early-70s). This has been a disaster for children.
Look, I'm not saying that every mother is a good mother. Like most people reading this, I remember the Texas mother who drowned her 5 young children in the bathtub. Or the mom who put her two kids in the trunk of the car and rolled that car into a lake. It's not a perfect world. The heart breaks at every child who dies at the hands of an adult. But having said all of this, the law and especially judges needs to be cognizant of the biological and social facts.
Anyway, there's always more to the story...stay tuned.
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