And The Answer To Your Question Is...
Well, you knew it wouldn't be too long before I'd find my way back to a piece about golf. What you probably didn't know is that the piece would also include dishonor, scandal, greed of epic proportions...and the state-sanctioned murder of a reporter whose only "crime" was being critical of a tyrannical regime. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the wonderful world of professional golf - where like most things in life, the answer to all of your questions, is money.
Now, before those of you who are not fans of this wonderful game move on to something else, bear with me. Up until about 10 years ago the biggest scandals in golf were about a nice gentleman who had never won a major before, finally wins one, and then signs the wrong scorecard, gets disqualified and the guy who finished second gets the trophy. Think of it as a baseball player, who never won a World Series, hits a grand slam in the bottom of the ninth of Game 7 to win it but has the wrong uniform number on and they call him out...or something like that. Or maybe, a golfer accidently allows his club to touch the ground in an area of the course where you aren't allowed to do that, but it's not properly or clearly marked as such. The golfer gets a two stroke penalty and loses the US Open by one shot. Anyway, these are real dorky, bean-counter scandals that golf is famous for because of it's arcane, lawyer-like rule book.
Stay with me now...enter Tiger Woods! Arguably, the greatest golfer of all-time. I've written about him before in this space so feel free to do a search. But here's the short version. All he does is win-win-win; marries a nanny from Sweden who makes Jennifer Aniston look like, well, me. Keeps winning. Decides that being the most recognized and popular sports figure this side of the next galaxy isn't enough and starts having sex with hookers, strippers, and who know what else. The gorgeous wife divorces him but on her way out the door cracks him in the head with a nine-iron. He then apologizes to everyone, except, of course, the hookers and the strippers. Now that was a scandal that golf had never had. Well, the following scandal is better and more sad. I love golf and I'm really angry...so buckle up.
Let me introduce Greg Norman - a very talented professional golfer. Good looks, that Australian swagger, and a legitimate Hall-of-Famer who was the number one player in golf for a long time before the tsunami that is Tiger Woods came along in 1997. Unfortunately, he's also got a noxious personality that reminds one of the previous occupant of the Oval Office. So, a dozen or so years ago Mr. Norman tried to start a world golf league to compete with the PGA Tour and the European Golf Tour, because of, oh I don't know...Mr. Norman's ego, AND (say it with me now) money. It went nowhere and stayed that way until very recently. Enter those murderers of newspaper reporters, top of the line women-haters, and of course, terrorist supporters - the Saudis.
The Saudis, and more specifically Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, decided to bankroll Greg and this new tour (interestingly named the LIV Tour, no doubt because they only play 54 holes instead of 72, or maybe they're stupid and forgot the "E" after the "V") out of their gigantic Saudi Arabia Investment Fund, currently valued at around $600 billion (no, that's not a typo) in the hopes that people might forget what piece of shit human beings they are. And because of this largesse (what others, including your humble correspondent, would call "sports-washing") there are a number of PGA and European Tour golfers who have defected their long-time golf homes for this new tour, either not knowing (Really?) or not caring (more likely) where the checks are coming from. By the way, do you know what that humanitarian Greg Norman said when asked about the state-sanctioned murder of the aforementioned reporter? "Well, everybody makes mistakes." What a piece of shit human being. But I digress.
Look, I'm a capitalist. More often than not I'm all for people making as much money as they can, especially in a job they love, and even more so if they're doing it playing golf. I wish I could! That said, I'd like to think I'd say "NO" to a regime that treats women like dogs, murders gay and transgender citizens, murders a respected reporter for being critical of the Saudi regime, and was complicit in the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. (Many real golfers, and real human beings for that matter, have said no. Next time you watch a PGA Tour event, root for these guys, especially Rory McElroy, Justin Thomas, and Tiger...who have all blasted their peers and this blood soaked tour.) Be honest, if the Universe in its infinite wisdom hadn't put a gazillion barrels of oil underneath the Arabian Peninsula, these people would still be smack dab in the Middle Ages. And I type that somewhat facetious statement with as little respect as I can muster.
I understand that many golfers, just like other professional athletes, aren't going to MENSA meetings at night. And I'm pretty sure a golfer like Dustin Johnson (a fine tour pro who has 24 wins including 2 majors who has decided to turn his back on the PGA Tour for the LIV Tour) couldn't find Saudi Arabia on a map. It's been said that Johnson's so dense, light has to bend around him. And he's made approximately $75 million on the PGA Tour, not including endorsements! But when asked why he was leaving the PGA Tour for the LIV Tour, he said "I'm doing this for my family." Words escape me...
Now, it's been argued that youngsters just coming out of college or PGA rookies who suddenly realize they're not going to win much on the PGA Tour will be enticed by the guaranteed money. That's right, guaranteed money. And I mean millions and millions of guaranteed money to play, not 72 holes like the real tours, but only 54 holes with no cut. And maybe some older golfers who are well past their prime (see Sergio Garcia) or are in huge debt to the bookies because they always seem to let it ride on the New York Jets (see Phil Mickelson) will flock to the tour. Both of these statements have already come to pass. Mickelson, who is a frighteningly despicable example of the dark side of human evolution has spearheaded this thing like he is Norman's illegitimate child. But he, like the other blood-money recipients seem immune, for the most part, from public shaming. It probably wouldn't matter, though. As far as anyone can tell, Mickelson has no shame...probably can't spell it, either.
In closing, more than one person has said to me that we don't want our sports and politics to mix; that sports is an oasis we enjoy to forget the awfulness of the world around us. I understand, and in a perfect world that's how it should be. But sports and politics have mixed since the first Olympic Games in ancient Greece. More recently, Jesse Owens giving Adolf Hitler the metaphorical middle finger in the 1936 Olympic Games in Berlin was an awesome example of sports mixing with politics. And more tragically, the 1972 Olympics in Munich when the Palestine Liberation Organization slaughtered 9 members of the Israeli Olympic team has become, unfortunately, the definition of politics mixing with sports. So, this isn't new.
But for me, it shouldn't have begun. At the risk of channeling my preacher forefathers, SCIS TE IPSUM - Know Thyself. And know and understand who is writing the checks.
Now, before those of you who are not fans of this wonderful game move on to something else, bear with me. Up until about 10 years ago the biggest scandals in golf were about a nice gentleman who had never won a major before, finally wins one, and then signs the wrong scorecard, gets disqualified and the guy who finished second gets the trophy. Think of it as a baseball player, who never won a World Series, hits a grand slam in the bottom of the ninth of Game 7 to win it but has the wrong uniform number on and they call him out...or something like that. Or maybe, a golfer accidently allows his club to touch the ground in an area of the course where you aren't allowed to do that, but it's not properly or clearly marked as such. The golfer gets a two stroke penalty and loses the US Open by one shot. Anyway, these are real dorky, bean-counter scandals that golf is famous for because of it's arcane, lawyer-like rule book.
Stay with me now...enter Tiger Woods! Arguably, the greatest golfer of all-time. I've written about him before in this space so feel free to do a search. But here's the short version. All he does is win-win-win; marries a nanny from Sweden who makes Jennifer Aniston look like, well, me. Keeps winning. Decides that being the most recognized and popular sports figure this side of the next galaxy isn't enough and starts having sex with hookers, strippers, and who know what else. The gorgeous wife divorces him but on her way out the door cracks him in the head with a nine-iron. He then apologizes to everyone, except, of course, the hookers and the strippers. Now that was a scandal that golf had never had. Well, the following scandal is better and more sad. I love golf and I'm really angry...so buckle up.
Let me introduce Greg Norman - a very talented professional golfer. Good looks, that Australian swagger, and a legitimate Hall-of-Famer who was the number one player in golf for a long time before the tsunami that is Tiger Woods came along in 1997. Unfortunately, he's also got a noxious personality that reminds one of the previous occupant of the Oval Office. So, a dozen or so years ago Mr. Norman tried to start a world golf league to compete with the PGA Tour and the European Golf Tour, because of, oh I don't know...Mr. Norman's ego, AND (say it with me now) money. It went nowhere and stayed that way until very recently. Enter those murderers of newspaper reporters, top of the line women-haters, and of course, terrorist supporters - the Saudis.
The Saudis, and more specifically Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, decided to bankroll Greg and this new tour (interestingly named the LIV Tour, no doubt because they only play 54 holes instead of 72, or maybe they're stupid and forgot the "E" after the "V") out of their gigantic Saudi Arabia Investment Fund, currently valued at around $600 billion (no, that's not a typo) in the hopes that people might forget what piece of shit human beings they are. And because of this largesse (what others, including your humble correspondent, would call "sports-washing") there are a number of PGA and European Tour golfers who have defected their long-time golf homes for this new tour, either not knowing (Really?) or not caring (more likely) where the checks are coming from. By the way, do you know what that humanitarian Greg Norman said when asked about the state-sanctioned murder of the aforementioned reporter? "Well, everybody makes mistakes." What a piece of shit human being. But I digress.
Look, I'm a capitalist. More often than not I'm all for people making as much money as they can, especially in a job they love, and even more so if they're doing it playing golf. I wish I could! That said, I'd like to think I'd say "NO" to a regime that treats women like dogs, murders gay and transgender citizens, murders a respected reporter for being critical of the Saudi regime, and was complicit in the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. (Many real golfers, and real human beings for that matter, have said no. Next time you watch a PGA Tour event, root for these guys, especially Rory McElroy, Justin Thomas, and Tiger...who have all blasted their peers and this blood soaked tour.) Be honest, if the Universe in its infinite wisdom hadn't put a gazillion barrels of oil underneath the Arabian Peninsula, these people would still be smack dab in the Middle Ages. And I type that somewhat facetious statement with as little respect as I can muster.
I understand that many golfers, just like other professional athletes, aren't going to MENSA meetings at night. And I'm pretty sure a golfer like Dustin Johnson (a fine tour pro who has 24 wins including 2 majors who has decided to turn his back on the PGA Tour for the LIV Tour) couldn't find Saudi Arabia on a map. It's been said that Johnson's so dense, light has to bend around him. And he's made approximately $75 million on the PGA Tour, not including endorsements! But when asked why he was leaving the PGA Tour for the LIV Tour, he said "I'm doing this for my family." Words escape me...
Now, it's been argued that youngsters just coming out of college or PGA rookies who suddenly realize they're not going to win much on the PGA Tour will be enticed by the guaranteed money. That's right, guaranteed money. And I mean millions and millions of guaranteed money to play, not 72 holes like the real tours, but only 54 holes with no cut. And maybe some older golfers who are well past their prime (see Sergio Garcia) or are in huge debt to the bookies because they always seem to let it ride on the New York Jets (see Phil Mickelson) will flock to the tour. Both of these statements have already come to pass. Mickelson, who is a frighteningly despicable example of the dark side of human evolution has spearheaded this thing like he is Norman's illegitimate child. But he, like the other blood-money recipients seem immune, for the most part, from public shaming. It probably wouldn't matter, though. As far as anyone can tell, Mickelson has no shame...probably can't spell it, either.
In closing, more than one person has said to me that we don't want our sports and politics to mix; that sports is an oasis we enjoy to forget the awfulness of the world around us. I understand, and in a perfect world that's how it should be. But sports and politics have mixed since the first Olympic Games in ancient Greece. More recently, Jesse Owens giving Adolf Hitler the metaphorical middle finger in the 1936 Olympic Games in Berlin was an awesome example of sports mixing with politics. And more tragically, the 1972 Olympics in Munich when the Palestine Liberation Organization slaughtered 9 members of the Israeli Olympic team has become, unfortunately, the definition of politics mixing with sports. So, this isn't new.
But for me, it shouldn't have begun. At the risk of channeling my preacher forefathers, SCIS TE IPSUM - Know Thyself. And know and understand who is writing the checks.
write to Peter: magtour@icloud.com
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