Carry The Fire

     It's amazing the things that come together to clarify the mind. On the other hand, those same things can also clutter the mind to the point where it almost becomes paralyzed. Thankfully, this was more... clarification. There are going to be a few italicized/bold quotes that follow. Every one of them are from Cormac McCarthy's THE ROAD. It's his most recent work written in 2006. Every one, especially parents, needs to read this wonderful novel. A father and son walking alone through a scorched America searching for the sea. McCarthy's best work, and one of the greatest novels of the 20th century is BLOOD MERIDIAN. THE ROAD, for McCarthy anyway, is not far behind. We'll get to it a little later. In the meantime...

    For reasons I cannot begin to explain, I have been unable to stop thinking about the sad and heinous mass murder in Uvalde, Texas this past Spring. I mean, I never had children of my own - children to raise and teach, laugh and cry with. And reactions when these horrific incidents take place can vary. One is sad and feels for the families involved; if one is a believer he or she may look up to the heavens or bow their head and ask, "Why?" One may even shake their fists and remember the immortal words of Job's wife when she told her husband, "Curse God and die." But I think most of us tend to pause for that moment of sadness and then move on with our busy lives and busy families, and maybe in the recesses of our minds wait for the next sad and heinous crime. For me, again I don't know why, it lingered for a while. So being a reader, I read a novel. A novel I have now read more than a few times: THE ROAD.

    "He knew only that his child was his warrant. He said: If he is not the word of God, God never spoke." Fast forward a few months and for the first time in my life I watched more than a few innings of the Little League World Series. If you've never seen it before, like I hadn't, it's really cool. These kids, all of whom seem like they are 14 going on 24, are playing with a sheer joy they might never experience again. And as they grin from ear to ear, as well as cry real, heart-wrenching tears, they are coached by their Dads, and cheered on by their Moms and Dads. And all of a sudden it hit me. Those kids in Uvalde (and other mass murders like Uvalde's) will never get to do that. They won't get to grow up with their friends, parents, extended family and enjoy what I believe to be the true blessing - "More Life Into a Time Without Boundaries". And then I read some more...

    "In what direction did lost men veer?" The name of the young man who killed those kids in Uvalde was Salvadore Ramos. Salvadore means "savior." Ironic, isn't it? Was the shooter just broken, as one of my pastor friends describes people who sin, or was he, in fact, evil? Sounds evil to me. Can you make a distinction between the sinner and the sin? Or do we remember Aeneas of Troy when he says, "Sunt lacrimae rerum"...These are the tragedies of life. The word evil was thrown around a lot in the days after the shooting. Actually, that word is thrown out a lot whenever something like that happens. 

    "There is no God and we are his prophets." I've been told by certain people that a non-believer such as myself can't use the word evil because it has religious undertones. And to be fair, acts of this type of evil cry out to the heavens for vengeance. As for me, I have no problem using the word. And lately, I've used it a lot. But "evil" like most things in life nowadays, seems to get compartmentalized. Sometimes, it seems, we even shy away from the word completely, as if we are afraid of offending someone. Uvalde shooting; EVIL. Buffalo shooting; EVIL. Nazis; EVIL. Deadly Inner-City Gang Wars: EVENTS OF SOCIOLOGY (And why do we not consider these "Events of Sociology" evil? Why are they excused as victims of poverty or racial injustice? But that's for another piece). I side with the great Elie Wiesel, Holocaust survivor and one of the world's few voices of moral clarity, when he says, "One must not compare one act of evil with another. Evil is always unique."

    "Then they set out along the blacktop in the gun-metal light, shuffling through the ash, each the other's world entire." I look up again at the TV and see the game is over and kids shaking hands and cheering or crying. And the camera pans through the stands and I see parents cheering...or crying. I then see parents and children walking off, together, hand in hand..."each the other's world entire".

    "What he could bear in the waking world he could not by night and he sat awake for fear the dream would return." I hope the shooting in Uvalde did not enter the minds of the parents like it did mine. But I couldn't help it. It sometimes feels like we've been caught in and drawn back by an undertow to some medieval time. Something primitive and regressive. The one nightmare I have had since childhood returns more frequently lately. I know that I am dreaming and I fight to wake up. The fight is becoming more difficult. But I hope...

    "You have my whole heart. You always did." I have held youngsters in my arms, even though they were not my own. And a few of them, sneaky little devils that they are, have stolen my heart. I have watched my friends (some of you who may be reading this) hold and scold, love, and hug your children as if your very lives depended on it. And I have watched some of you lose your children far too soon, just as the parents in Uvalde lost theirs. All of you, including my very own Mom and Duane, are the greatest parents. 

    "Keep a little fire burning; however small, however hidden." At a point in THE ROAD, the father is trying to explain things, explain how to live, to his young son as they come near the end of their journey. I won't spoil anything as I implore each of you to read this work. And I don't know if the parents in Uvalde or those of you who have suffered similar loss can find any solace in words such as these. But the following conversation between Papa and the boy gives me hope: 

"You have to carry the fire."

"I don't know how to."

"Yes, you do."

"Is the fire real? The fire?"

"Yes, it is."

"Where is it? I don't know where it is?"

"Yes you do. It's inside you. It always was there. I can see it."

    Winston Churchill once said that "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." Understanding that Churchill was a big actor on a huge world stage, he had larger-than-life influence. Maybe all the rest of us can do is make sure we tell our kids, our parents, and all those that matter...that we love them. Carry The Fire.

Write to Peter: magtour@icloud.com