Vote For Me!

    George Washington…Abraham Lincoln…Harry Truman…uh, Peter Hall? That’s right, boys and girls, gather 'round! I’m mad as hell and I can’t take it anymore. I’m throwing my hat in the ring. Peter, you don’t wear hats. And what are you talking about? I’m running for President, Sancho. Of what? Of the country! Which country? Our country, my diminutive friend! That's funny. Finally, a humor piece. You've been quite serious lately. Informative but serious. Bring it on.

    Well, I was talking to a friend the other day about the state of the union, the interminable length of our presidential elections, and the scarcity of fine minds running for the highest office in the land. I mean, really? We're the greatest country on earth and we're currently on an 0 for 2 stretch. I'd throw Obama in with these last two nitwits but even though I felt he was grossly unprepared for the job (Senators make crappy Presidents), the fact that he was a first, and a very important first, gives him a pass. But these last two? C'mon...really? One is a juvenile delinquent and a wannabe megalomaniac (he's not smart enough to be an actual megalomaniac), and our current office-holder (again, an ex-Senator) has been a jack-ass since his Senate days, and now he's that cranky, narcissistic senior-citizen who's losing his marbles. My friend and I then got talking about the 3 branches of government and which, if it could be determined, was more important than the other two. It then occurred to me that as much as I remembered my national government courses in high school and college, there was much that had seeped through the cracks of this old, declining brain. So I did what any dork would do...I pulled out my copy of the United States Constitution. Of course you did. 

    And if I may digress for a moment - the Constitution is must reading for not only everyone, but especially for anyone who is interested in how our government works and what we are about (and may I include the Declaration of Independence, as well), and also if you want to discuss or argue about it. It’s kind of like wanting to discuss philosophy without having read Plato or Socrates; discussing Christianity without having read the Bible; literature without having read Shakespeare or Dante. You just can't do it. And you also become familiar with how brilliant our Founding Fathers were.

    Anyway, sorry about the digression. So I'm going through the 3 articles on the branches of government. You'll notice that the Founders put the Executive Branch second. They were done with kings and queens, and one person/one rule. We were now a republic and they wanted to highlight the Legislative branch first and foremost; a representative democracy with all the beauty and messiness that it entails! And I was reminded again, that the majority of the power in our government is with Congress. Congress declares war, is the keeper of the purse (raising taxes, etc.), MAKES ALL LAWS, etc., etc., etc. The list for what Congress is supposed to do is very long. That's how the Founders wanted it.

    On the other hand, the President's job isn't that bad! And this is where I come in! First of all, you gotta be at least 35. Whew, just made it! You have to be a natural born citizen (Kansas City, Missouri!), or a citizen for at least 14 years. And here is, in toto, what the President is responsible for: You're Commander-in-Chief! How good is that?! You get to name all your assistants (your Cabinet). You also get to grant pardons and reprieves, except if you get Impeached - can't pardon yourself. Well, not every job is perfect. Anyway, what else. Oh, yeah...you get to VETO stuff from Congress. I mean, not everything; just the idiotic things that you vehemently disagree with. And if Congress thinks the country really, REALLY wants it, they'll override your veto. It's not personal...most of the time. Remember, they have to run for re-election, too.

    You're in charge that the laws which CONGRESS makes are faithfully executed (that's in your oath of office, too.) You get to make all kinds of appointments for ambassadorships and Supreme Court justices, as well as lower court judges. But here's the kicker...all of these appointments have to be okayed by the Senate. See what the Founding Fathers did there? Pretty sneaky, huh? You also get to make treaties with other countries (provided the Senate approves). AND you get to throw parties for visiting dignitaries. 

    Last but not least, there's the State of the Union address. I'll tell you right now...not in my administration. Biggest waste of time since Jim Nantz being given a microphone. George Washington wrote his down on a piece of paper and walked it over to Congress. That's what I'm doing. Pen to paper, "Dear Congress: Everything is pretty good so far. The country has some issues and I'll do my part traveling around and trying to persuade the fine, intelligent voters who elected me to this office. But you guys need to do your jobs. Pass good, sound laws, quit spending so much money, and re-read your job descriptions! Oh, yeah. I need a raise!"

    You see? The previous 3 paragraphs aren't exactly rocket science. I mean, you have to deal with crises around the world, especially if it concerns the U.S. But you've got a lot of help. Assuming you trust the people you brought on to be your aides, etc., and you didn't hire some morons like Bob Haldeman, John Ehrlichman, and John Dean (little history there for you kids), you should have plenty of time to read a few good novels, get 18 holes in on the weekends, and have more than a few romantic dinners with the wife or husband. I can do this! What's the big deal? Like I can do worse than what we've had for the last 7 years? I'm your man!!

    So how are you going to raise money for this quixotic adventure, Peter? Oh, Sancho...I can't give everything away in one blog. Stay tuned. But remember, kids...VOTE FOR PETER!! 

    

[From the Editor's Desk: We're pretty sure Peter is kidding, everyone. He did get bitten by a dog the other day and there may be some residual personality issues. We'll keep an eye on him!]

write to Peter: magtour@icloud.com