This Is What You're Worried About?

    Let's see...what to write about? So much going on in the world, and so much going on at home. Check this out, somebody actually wants me to publish my religious critiques out on social media! Oh please, Boss. Let us hear your semi-literate musing on the Hebrew Bible....kill me now! Very funny! But I don't think so, Sancho...at least, not yet. Of course, there's always "Multiculturalism vs. Cultural-appropriation." That's coming! And let us not forget "Cancel Culture"! That's always good for a little high dudgeon and humor, no? Anyway, when in doubt, always look to a holier-than-thou politician to get you through the day. For those of you who are my age, remember Johnny Carson's final week on The Tonight Show? He was thanking then Vice-President Dan Quayle for keeping his monologues going because of the whole Murphy Brown single-mom episodes, and, of course, "Family Values"! Carson, as always, was Da Man! Let's take a page out of Johnny's book, shall we?

    So, about a week ago, give or take, the not so esteemed United States Senator, one Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.), announced she was a little irked that the same private-equity firm which owned Jimmy John's Subs and McAlister's Deli (two national chains), was about to acquire another national chain we all know as, Subway. Warren's yapping has led to a Federal Trade Commission investigation into whether this acquisition will lead to higher prices for subs, etc. Really? I mean, I get the fact that people of Ms. Warren's ilk are always looking to lecture us about climate change, electric vehicles, the designated hitter, what type of toothpaste to use, etc. But as someone who used to be somewhat of a fast-food aficionado, I've always been more than a little amused by the raging and inconsistent arguments from progressives about the fast-food industry. 

    For years, these professional scolds, as well as annoying amateur scolds (and you know who you are), have depicted America as a Fast Food Nation, with cheap burger and pizza joints which is supposedly indicative of our consumerism, tackiness, and fast pace. There was even a book titled, yep, Fast Food Nation! These nitwits are always asking, "Why can't we all enjoy a two-hour gourmet lunch at the cafe like they do in Europe?" Please...find a more intelligent question to ask. And the Europeans ask the very same question, as well as many others, to make fun of American culture. To be fair, some have a little validity...but please...just shut the hell up. We saved you people from the jaws of Satan TWICE in the 20th century! Leave my V&S cheesesteak alone! Pretty good, huh? "Give me Egg McMuffins, or give me death!" That's why you read this stuff!!

    Anyway, to make matters worse (for some), we're exporting this stuff all over the civilized world (and trust me, even the barely civilized are all in). I recently watched a YouTube video of a bunch of British kids eating a  Popeye's fried chicken sandwich for the first time (Personally, I'd have gone with Chick-Fil-A, but that's just me!). Like me, and most of you...these young British kids LOVED it! I mean, from what I've heard, it's not like The United Kingdom is awash in good food. And this is obviously the latest evidence of American cultural imperialism. So be it. Do you see any British fast food places opening in American neighborhoods? I didn't think so.

    This brings me back to Progressives' latest obsession...spearheaded by Ms. Warren; fast-food acquisitions. No, I'm not kidding. Not long ago, this dope, Ms. Warren, actually typed the following words..."We don't need another private equity deal that could lead to higher food prices for consumers. The FTC (Federal Trade Commission) is right to investigate whether the purchase of Subway by the same firm that owns Jimmy Johns and McAlisters Deli creates a SANDWICH SHOP MONOPOLY" (the capital letters are added by yours truly). Are you kidding me?! 

    I could write a nice, long paper, with the subject being how frighteningly moronic this is. Did this woman NEVER take an economics course?! How do you become a United States Senator without taking an ECONOMICS course! Anyway, I appreciate the value, if not art, of making a wonderfully assembled sandwich, or hoagie, or sub, or grinder...whatever you call it in your neck of the woods. I can name 4 or 5 mom and pop delis off the top of my head from Boston to Bucks County that are hall-of-famers in this regard. And as a free-market kind of guy, I understand the complexities of running ANY type of business! But throwing cold-cuts and condiments on different types of bread is not the same thing as trying to put people on Mars, or dealing with Russia, Iran, or Hamas! AND...Do you think a federal government that is nearly $34 trillion in debt (let me repeat that for those of you on the West Coast and Alaska...$34 TRILLION in debt!) and can't manage basic operations like, oh, I don't know...mail delivery...AMTRAK...etc., be micromanaging fast-food business purchases? C'mon!

    I didn't major in Economics, but I have friends who did; and a monopoly is defined as "the exclusive possession or control of the supply of or trade in a commodity or service." For Ms. Warren (who, by the way, tried to convince the country, as she was running for PRESIDENT a number of years ago, that she was part Cherokee. Also, during the impeachment proceedings against former President Trump...and how did that moron dodge that cross-check?...she sent her dog to a primary state in her place...so why is anyone listening to this moron), to apply any of what's going on with these sandwich shops to monopolies, is beyond crazy. Kind of like...claiming you're part Cherokee, or sending your dog to sub for you in a presidential primary!! You can't swing a dead cat...(Hey, Boss! C'mon! Sorry, Sancho!)... in any American city or suburb without hitting a galactic amount of different deli shops, or fast food places where you can get a sandwich...OR sit-down restaurants that also serve the "to-go" crowds or the walk-in take-out crowd. I mean, even I'm smart enough to know that if you have a gazillion, differently owned sandwich/fast-food shops, there is no way that there can be a monopoly. And by the way, I lived in Massachusetts...they have hundreds of deli/pizza joints, etc., up there, too. So how does Ms. Warren not know about this stuff? 

    Here's the kicker to all this. As I stated above, Progressives are always caterwauling about shit that they want ended. Again, fossil fuels, low taxes, doughnuts...whatever. But Warren and her ilk are bitching about the high prices they believe will come, due to this merger. Well, what do they care? Isn't that what they want? Higher prices for foods they consider BAD for you, so it will become less popular? I know I'm not the brightest bulb in the box, but this seems like a slam dunk for her crowd, right?! But, that's just me. 

    Here's the thing...and I return to my friends who actually KNOW about economics...if you want to bitch and moan about higher prices, you can do one of two things...or both. Blame the laws of supply and demand (Remember them? Adam Smith? The Invisible Hand?), and/or blame the government in power for their inflationary policies. It's simple. But for the love of Anthony Bourdain...leave my V&S Cheesesteaks...ALONE!!! 

    And not to put too fine a point on it, but there's a lot of crazy shit going on in our nation, and the world that is so much with us. Whether it's war in the Middle East and Russia/Ukraine, or the tenuous balance of race-relations today...I'm guessing that the merger of some sandwich shops who have to compete with a million other sandwich shops on a daily basis...isn't such a big fucking deal. So, in conclusion, Senator Warren...shut the hell up and get a clue. You have more pressing matters.

write to Peter: magtour@icloud.com