Idiots Running the Asylum...Again

    It's geek time again, kids! Yes, that's right; we're going to talk about something called the Modern Language Association, and somehow my twisted mind, without missing a beat, is going to dovetail right into the Museum of Modern Art in New York City! You don't think it can be done, do you? I got $10 on you, Boss! Wise choice my whiskered friend. And away we go...

    It's been a while now, but once upon a time the aforementioned Modern Language Association was a prestigious organization that discussed and published essays concerning great literature, literary interpretation, how languages came to be, what they had in common, and what were their differences, amongst other issues. (I know, nerdy topics all, but bear with me.) Founded in 1883, the MLA was one of the, if not the source of language interpretation in the United States and the world. And their journal, the PMLA, was required reading for anyone who had a deep interest in language and literature. But alas, like many things in modern life, the association has been co-opted by childish narcissism and political grandstanding that, in the words of Charles Emerson Winchester III, "It is, to weep."

    For example, way back in that momentous month of June 1962, a glorious month for our country as well as for the rest of the English-speaking world, (You just can't help yourself can you, Boss?) here were some of the topics of the PMLA for that issue: "On the Two Chief Metrical Modes in English," "The Origins of Troilus and Cressida: Stage, Quarto, and Folio," "Love and Honor in Dryden's Heroic Plays," "Wordsworth's Shipwreck," "Determinism and Responsibility in the Works of George Eliot," "Mark Twain's Use of the Comic Pose," "The Moral Landscape of Arnold's Poetry," Now, dear reader, even if one is not an English major or even a serious reader who might look at these essay titles and say, "Really? Are you kidding me?" - one can look at these titles and have to admit they are serious topics that actually have a relation to the subjects of English and Literature. 

    Here were the topics that headlined the annual meeting of the MLA held earlier this year in the once great city of Philadelphia: "Queer and Trans Multi-species Justice," "Bodies, Bodies, Bodies: Theorizing Complex Embodiment," "Queer Relationalities," "The Place of Identity in Queer Studies," "Group Sex," etc., etc. I'll let the reader opine as to whether or not the MLA is evolving or de-evolving. And before I get an e-mail, or worse, from someone or many someones' accusing me of being some kind of Jerry Falwell disciple or worse yet, a homophobe... 1) You should know better, and 2) Now who's being the idiot? I just happen to think that there is absolutely a place for those topics to be written about and discussed. And truth be told, I would be more than happy to sit in on that discussion. I just don't think the Modern Language Association is that place. 

    There was also a holier than thou note tucked away in the online program under the following title: "Modern Language Association Land Acknowledgment." [Cue the eye-rolling.]

"We acknowledge that the territory on which we gather for the 2024 convention, the city now known as Philadelphia, is part of Lënapehòkink, the ancestral homelands of the Lenape people since time immemorial. We honor the Lenape tribal nations—the Delaware Nation, the Delaware Tribe of Indians, and the Stockbridge Munsee Community—whose governments now reside in different states as a result of colonial-settler violence and dispossession but who maintain ongoing relationships with their homelands. 

We take this opportunity to thank the original caretakers of this land." 

    

    I almost reached for one of those air-sickness bags but realized I don't have any. And since I don't own a pistol, I poured a shot of bourbon. Really? Are you kidding me? I almost sent an e-mail to this formerly august institution saying something to the effect that, "Well, if the Indians had advanced scientifically / technologically like Western Europe had, they might have been able to ward off the hordes of European settlers. Then they could have had their own literary gathering and all would be well. For good or ill...that's just how history works. Grow up." I then realized that might be a bit over the top, so I just sighed and wept...on the inside. 

    The last topic at this year's conference (this one was not in their journal) was a session on "Vegetal Afterlives." You read that right. And no, I'm not kidding. Here's the summary...verbatim: “Advancing recent work in critical plant studies” [“critical plant studies”? Really?] “asking how plants offer vibrant models of resistance to environmental destruction through their persistent attempts to create a Plantocene...panelists focus on the theme of vegetal resistance, considering how plants can offer models of resistance for human crises like systemic racism, unnatural disasters, and climate change.” 

    Trust me, I could go for days on the above paragraph. But, c'mon...do I really need to? I didn't think so... The real question that should pop into everyone's mind is, how much had to go wrong that the oldest and most prestigious professional humanities organization in the country would be home to this crap, stupidity, woke, progressive anti-intellectualism...choose your adjective. Now that dissertation would be worth reading! 

    And speaking of woke, progressive anti-intellectualism, and stupidity (you thought I forgot, didn't you?), in case you missed it, last month at the Museum of Modern Art (MOMA) -- home of such great 19th- and 20th-century European and American artists like Cezanne, Van Gogh, Monet, Manet, Picasso, as well as Winslow Homer, Edward Hopper and Jackson Pollock -- a group of nitwits who probably just came from a presentation at the Modern Language Association, descended on the MOMA to make a "statement" and to pretty much be a gigantic pain in the ass. What was their topic du jour? I'll tell you: Colonialism. Yep. Colonialism. Now you may ask, because no one else seems to be asking: What does the Museum of Modern Art have to do with "Colonialism?" If you said, "NOTHING! It has nothing to do with Colonialism," go to the head of the class!  However, as you have probably read, or seen on TV, Colonialism is one of the most dreaded evils of our time (it isn't really, but these people aren't famous for allowing facts to cloud their judgement), and since the MOMA is one of the faces of, or even worse, a temple of Western Civilization, which of course, means the raping and pillaging of every other culture that  exists or ever did exist, it was probably only a matter of time before a bunch of sweaty and hysterical juvenile delinquents who have nothing better to do, descended on a place like the MOMA to bitch and moan about this topic and then find their way to the evils that Israel has pushed upon the poor Palestinians. 

    These morons shut the place down! In the middle of the day, with patrons everywhere...which I suppose was the point. They had a sit-in, a lie down-in, a Gunga Din, whatever. What they needed were some actual intelligent stand-ins! So, in trying to ascertain WHY these idiots were doing what they were doing, I did my best Woodward and Bernstein (Boss, no one remembers Woodward and Bernstein) and have come up with an actual interview that I just made up! (Note: all of the quotes attributed to Idiot, are real.) Me: "Um, excuse me...why are you attempting to shut down the Museum of Modern Art?" Idiot: "Because Art is but one of many weapons in the colonial arsenal." Me: "Really?" Idiot: "These museums are colonial repositories." Me: "Care to explain?" Idiot: "The museum is a colonial vehicle." Me: "Oh." [And now walking away in disbelief]: 

    So what have we learned, other than the fact that I can sometimes be a tad obnoxious? Already knew that, Boss. I think we've learned that our educational system is in dire need of much repair, or at the very least, a refocusing. There are a huge number of parents out there who should not have been allowed to procreate. Ah, just kidding...sort of. And last but not least...where do we grow these people? 

    I return to the words of Dr. Charles Emerson Winchester, III: "It is, to weep."

[Note: The protestors could not have had a Gunga Din, as Gunga Din is a wonderful poem by Rudyard Kipling, who is a thoroughly Western writer. My bad... I will endeavor to do better in the future.]

write to Peter: magtour@icloud.com