The Judgement Zone

     I've been sitting on this for a couple of days, so forgive me if it seems a little dated. It all started last week when I opened the newspaper of record and noticed the word 'Alaska' in one of those big, bold, black headlines on the inside of the paper in the National Section. Now, this caused me to perk up a bit and put down my hot chocolate because, c'mon, nothing ever happens in Alaska...right?! I mean, the only things that ever put Alaska on the map, as far as news is concerned, are the oil pipelines, Sarah Palin, or a Russian balloon. And since Palin is no longer relevant, and I didn't see the word pipeline in the headline, and the balloon thing seems a thing of the past...I assumed the worst. What's the worst, Boss? The worst, my feline friend, is that From The Golf Room's good friend, as well as one of our editorial assistants, The Divine Ms. A., somehow or some way had a "fit of rage" incident because, oh, I don't know, the woman in front of her at the Tuxedo Penguin Supermarket couldn't remember her PIN code at the checkout line. I then naturally assumed that Ms. A reached into her shopping cart, grabbed her bottle of Bigfoot Polar Bear Syrup, and proceeded to pour it over this poor, unsuspecting, 79-year-old woman's head. Then, I figure the police arrived and since she seems to know every cop in Alaska, she felt entitled to fight them off with her Igloos-R-Us Eskimo BB-gun...which, of course, led to her arrest. So at that point, I reached for my cell phone to call Don Juan and The Original G because I'm thinking we might be taking a road trip to North Pole, Alaska to be character witnesses at her trial, or at the very least, bail her ass out! You have the craziest friends, Boss! So what happened? Not a thing, Sancho. As I was starting to make my phone call, I kept reading and saw that what had happened was not nearly as funny as what I just imagined above, however tangentially connected they may be. Story Time, kids!

    If you haven't heard, dear reader, it would seem that a female member of the Planet Fitness gym in Fairbanks, Alaska, a Ms. Patricia Silva was somewhat taken aback when she walked into the women's locker room in this particular gym and saw a man standing in front of a sink and mirror...shaving. Details are fuzzy as to whether he was shaving his legs, his face...or something else; and whether or not he had, at the very least, a towel on. Not that it matters. Anyway, there's a part of me that just wanted to write a humor piece about this. Also, as I've already opined on the whole transgender thing (and I hate repeating myself, up to a point) and the fact that, while I'm agnostic as to men wanting to call themselves women and vice-versa, I don't really give a damn. Have at it. However, I've also said, just because you say you are something...doesn't make it so. I mean, I play golf, and I write. Doesn't make me Tiger Woods and George Will. And please, don't insult the rest of us by saying it's science. My guess is, most of these people couldn't spell 'science' if you spotted them the c's and the e's. 

    This, however, is a little more serious. It's a practical application, as it were, of the transgender philosophy/agenda..."we are whatever we say we are, and therefore, we can do anything we damn well please, and because we say it, that makes it a biological fact." Well, now. Stupidity personified.

    But back to Alaska. The seriousness in this case, is the idea of a MAN in a WOMEN'S locker room where there are not only adult women staring at a guy who may or may not be naked as he's shaving, but there are also teen-age girls and even younger girls. Call me old-fashioned but I don't want young girls thinking they're hanging out in the Playboy Mansion, or worse yet, being set up for a threesome with Jeffrey Epstein. I mean, if this was Caitlyn Jenner hanging out in the women's locker room, there might be a weirdness about it, but he/she...whatever...has done all the necessary biological legwork, if you know what I mean. Don't get me wrong, she's doesn't look like Charlize Theron, but she did the work. She made the physical changes, however traumatizing that may have been. She walked the extra mile. She didn't just SAY that she's a women and leave it at that...she made the effort. So when she's in the locker room shaving, or even naked, the young girls in that locker room see a woman...if you know what I mean. 

    Now, the above paragraph may seem a little flippant, uncaring, and downright prick-like to many of you (well, maybe that last phrase was a bit uncalled for given our subject matter, but you know what I mean). So take it away, Sancho. Gladly, Boss! We don't care anymore! No we don't, my friend. 

    Getting back to Ms. Silva and the connection to our very own, The Divine Ms. A. These two are friends, and Ms. A. is a member of this particular gym just like Ms. Silva. I found out about this episode before it hit the papers and to be honest, I thought I was being pranked…punked…whatever. And the one thing I found out with my Woodward and Bernstein reporter's technique, was that not only did Ms. Silva take photographs of this locker room encounter, she walked out of the locker room after that initial encounter with whatsHISname and went to the front desk. She asked whether or not this gentleman had any ID as to his sexual identification. The person behind the desk said, and I quote, "He does not, but it's his preference." Note the pronoun "HIS." Think about that, if you will.

    I could ramble on forever, but I won't. Allow me to finish with this. As you may have read, Patricia Silva had her Planet Fitness membership terminated. Not the MAN in the WOMAN'S locker room, mind you, but the WOMAN who was uncomfortable with a MAN in the WOMAN'S locker room. The cause for this termination was that, even though it is forbidden, she took photographs in the locker room. Previously, in this Alaskan Planet Fitness, there were in fact signs saying no locker room photographs. However, there were also signs stating that Planet Fitness encourages photos in the gym area so as to track one's progress toward your Adonis-like physique (and no, I have never done a selfie in the gym...shame on you!). As of this "man-in-the-women's-locker room" episode, those signs have been replaced with NO PHOTOS IN THE GYM signs. Lawyers are pretty quick, huh? 

    As the title of this piece refers, Planet Fitness touts itself as a "Judgement Free Zone". Well, I think we could use a little more judging every now and then. I think, and this is just me, that if there was a tad more judging, maybe we wouldn't have so many young girls getting pregnant at the age of 13. And maybe we wouldn't have so many young men being arrested for robbery, assault, and battery beginning at the tender ages of 11, 12, or 13. Or worse yet...murder. At the very least, we might not have young men walking into a fine dining establishment with their baseball cap on backwards looking like flood victims. And if there were a tad more judging, maybe some executive would have the stones to say that it's not okay for a man to be in a woman's locker room, no matter how disillusioned he may be about his gender. It's okay to judge in a mature and thoughtful way. 

    Full disclosure: I have been a paying and regular-attending member of the Planet Fitness in Langhorne, Pa. on Business Route 1 for over 10 years. I love the place. Good people...great gym. Unless the corporation changes its policy by the end of the week, I will be terminating my membership. Why the wait, Boss? Well, this give me the chance to become a woman and check out their locker room! See what I did there, and how stupid that is? You're an idiot. It's a Brave New World boys and girls. Buckle Up!

write to Peter: Magtour@icloud.com