More Sex Equals Greater Happiness? Hmmmm…

    Let’s see, so much to write about. War...still...in the Middle East; War...still...in Ukraine; Trump’s tariffs are really starting to hurt my wine prices; and it seems today’s students and recent grads are increasingly illiterate. Wait, I got something, Boss! What is it, my fanged friend? A study says more sex can lead to more happiness! Really, Sancho! You can stop calling, kids...we’ve got a winner! And this is why The Golf Room is a full service website, right Boss! Word up, Sancho! Huh? Did you really say “Word up?” Please…somebody make him stop. It’s embarrassing.

    Well, how to begin with a topic like this. Let’s try this, shall we? All too often, in movies and television, we see a scenario in which one romantic partner is dissatisfied with the sexual frequency in the relationship. This is not a happy individual—but if they were having more sex in the relationship, the storyline suggests, the individual WOULD be happy; ergo, they would not have to consider ending the relationship or looking elsewhere for sex.

    This isn’t just a Hollywood storyline vehicle, of course; in real life, partners can be dissatisfied with the amount of sexual activity in the relationship. But would they actually be happier if they had more sex with their partner? I say, yes! Such a dope. In other words, does an increase in sexual frequency increase one’s perceived happiness. This has been a topic of interest in sociological, psychological, and sexual wellness research for decades. So what does the research have to say about this topic?

    How about we start with the evidence in favor of “More Sex, More Happiness!” Some studies do report a positive link between sexual frequency and happiness. Using a sample of 16,000 adults, Blanchflower and Oswald (2004) found that individuals who reported higher rates of sexual frequency also reported higher levels of perceived life satisfaction. They found that even shifting sexual activity from once a month to once a week could reduce stress, strengthen partner bonds, and produce greater success in other avenues of life outside the house, such as success at work. C’ mon Boss, you mean you’re not going to comment on the “Once-a-Month,” stat? I’m trying to be mature about this, Sancho. Idiot. 

    In support of the work of Blanchflower and Oswald, a study by Muise, Schimmack, and Impett (2016) examined data from over 25,000 participants across multiple datasets. This study also found a relationship between sexual frequency, happiness, and well-being. Talk about hitting the trifecta! Sorry… Increasing sex to once-a-week produced positive results. However, additional increases did not lead to a greater effect. This suggests that moderate increases in sexual frequency may enhance perceived happiness, particularly for couples in committed relationships. I would just like to add that a study done a number of years ago by Peter, Brent, and Hall (2017) took issue with the last study mentioned and found much evidence to dispute those earlier findings, and showed that increases in sex to once-a-day, increased well-being, happiness, as well as increases in intellectual vigor, and in some cases, weight loss. You’re an idiot. 

    Finally, Meltzer et al. (2017) found that couples who engaged in more frequent sex reported higher marital satisfaction, which correlated with greater overall happiness in life. Now we’re talking! They noted that sexual activity fosters emotional closeness, which, with increased frequency, may amplify positive effects and contribute to a sense of life fulfillment. Maybe there actually is a god…!

    But...and there is always...a BUT! Loewenstein, et al. (2015) moved beyond research examining positive correlations between sexual frequency and perceived happiness and examined whether there was a causal increase in happiness. They asked couples to change the sexual patterns in their relationship. Randomly, half the couples were asked to double their sexual frequency. You see, my pointy-eared friend? I’m not even going to ask why I never get called on to participate in a study like this! Unbelievable…

    The authors’ findings concluded that increased sexual frequency did not lead to an increase in happiness. One explanation they formed was that increased sexual frequency may have produced a decrease in the wanting and enjoyment of sex. Okay, I sorta get that. Schoenfeld et al. (2017) found that it was sexual satisfaction, rather than sexual frequency alone, that was a stronger predictor of happiness. Well, of course. Participants with more fulfilling, but fewer, sexual encounters tended to report higher levels of happiness and well-being than those participants who experienced more frequent, but more unfulfilling, sexual encounters. 

    Don’t you just hate it when smart people say smart things based on observation that just sucks the life out of a fun topic? I know I do. But let’s run with that line of thinking for a moment. To be fair, I’m not certain that we are asking the right questions when it comes to happiness and sexual frequency. Even when the findings of research studies suggest a positive correlation, context, as usual, matters significantly. As always, it is important to remember that correlation does not imply causation. It’s unlikely that sexual frequency would uniformly lead to happiness across all individuals or relationships, for a few compelling reasons.

    I think we can all agree that the quality of sexual interactions, for instance, can outweigh quantity. Happier individuals may naturally engage in more sexual activity, rather than increased frequency causing happiness. Positive life events, such as job promotions and increased income, or a good day on the golf course, may lead to higher sexual frequency (see what I did there?), which suggests that happiness may drive sexual behavior rather than the reverse.

    Cultural and societal factors further complicate the picture. In societies where sexual activity is stigmatized or tied to rigid social expectations, increased frequency might not translate to happiness. Women in certain cultural contexts, for example, may face pressure to meet partners’ sexual demands, which could lead to stress and reduced emotional well-being rather than feelings of happiness. 

    So what should we be thinking about instead? We need to be asking many more questions. For instance, what are the underlying factors involved in a decrease in sexual frequency? Is there an overall dissatisfaction with sexual performance? Are there extenuating relationship issues, such as an emotional disconnection, loss of trust, or boredom?

    What about lifestyle choices that contribute to a decrease in frequency, such as work stress or financial and family problems? Is aging contributing to the decrease? Are there physical health issues, hormonal shifts, or mental health challenges?

    This list could be considerably extended, but it’s fair to say that simply increasing the number of times you and your partner have sex will probably not solve the underlying issues and, therefore, not increase happiness or life satisfaction.

    Furthermore, the focus on partnered sexual activity in much of the research overlooks single individuals or those in non-traditional relationships. Solo sexual activity, such as masturbation, may also contribute to happiness. Brody (2010) found that masturbation frequency correlated with improved mood in some individuals. This would indicate that sexual frequency’s impact on happiness extends beyond partnered contexts.

    So, will having more sex make you and your partner happier? There is no easy answer. An increase in sexual frequency may lead to a perceived increase in happiness, particularly when it occurs in the context of satisfying, consensual, and emotionally fulfilling relationships. Studies indicate that moderate frequency, around once a week, may optimize well-being for some couples, driven by biological, emotional, and relational benefits.

    However, the effect is not universal, as individual desires, relationship quality, health, and cultural norms play critical roles. In other words, Stephen Stills may have implored us all to “Love The One You’re With”, but the key to real happiness in a relationship may just be aligning sex with personal and relational authenticity.

Write to Peter: magtour@icloud.com