Theodis Bryant - A Rare Dignity
In Massachusetts the other day, a man named Theodis Bryant passed away. Unlike the torrent of grief and written word that a more famous Massachusetts death received just recently, Theodis’ death merited the following obituary in the local newspaper; “BRYANT, Theodis Jr. Age 53 of Watertown passed away at his home in Watertown on January 28, 2010. Private Funeral Home service was held on Friday followed by burial in Ridgelawn.” And that’s okay. Senator Kennedy lived a life that was commensurate with the outpouring of grief and commentary. Many people did not know Theodis and he certainly did not affect national or world events like the senator. And as much as I’m a firm believe in the “Great Man” theory of history, I’d like to tell you a story of how one handicapped person found a caring graduate student and how that graduate student ended up introducing me to a great man.
Theodis was born in Mississippi into a world of absolute poverty coupled with the physical handicap of being partially deaf, partially blind and with a speech impediment. How’s that for the “Got Screwed” trifecta? And although he had limited vision and very limited hearing, the state and his mother felt it necessary to put him in a school for the blind in Boston. The details of that decision don’t matter much now except to say that it’s quite possible Theodis would have received a different type of special education today instead of being put into “the system.”
As time went by with Theodis in Boston and his mother in Mississippi and later moving to Trenton, New Jersey she loses track of him and after another period of time assumes he is dead. There is no communication, no knowing where the mother is, nothing. And she figures that because she has gotten no correspondence, he’s dead. Meanwhile, Theodis has graduated from this school for the blind and has been placed in a program for mildly handicapped adults in a suburb of Boston where he builds on the self-esteem and other skills learned all those years in the institute.
And that’s when it happens. A graduate student takes a job while at Boston University to help mildly handicapped adults. A young, well-bred white girl and this middle-aged, handicapped black man. She helps him with things like grocery shopping, getting his haircut, keeping his apartment clean, etc. Theodis and those like him can do these things on their own, but he (and they) needs help and reminding on a regular basis. After the initial mistrust on Theodis’ part, they become friends. A friendship turning into a reciprocated love that lasts 25 years, long after this young graduate student has left Boston for bigger and better things.
Years later when this former grad student is married to your humble writer, I am introduced to Theodis. By now he’s a little older with a couple of flecks of gray in his hair as the age of 50 is staring at him. But he’s a proud man; a man who knows what life has dealt him and doesn’t care. Fortunately for me, we become friends. And for too short a time I have a friend with no strings attached, a friend who is genuinely happy to talk to me on the phone and to see us when we make the all too infrequent trip to Boston. A man who got his ass kicked by life but who always got up, whose heart was pure and who only wanted the human interaction that only true friendship can provide.
For reasons that are obvious, Theodis was not quick to trust. There were things he didn’t understand and he sometimes was quick to blame “The Man” for a perceived slight against him or his race. But he didn’t hate. He coped as best he could and moved on. He took each day one at a time and made the best of it, keeping track of his Red Sox, Patriots and Celtics. Later on he even made contact and developed a loving relationship with a son that he had fathered when he was younger. He became the loved father, father-in-law, and grandfather that he deserved to be. It was through this son and his wife that we found out about Theodis’ passing.
A soul like Theodis’ is rare in this world. I know nothing of his religious beliefs, if any. If he did believe in a god, he would have had every right to shake his fist and curse a Supreme Being who had looked at Theodis and said, “You’re on your own.” What I do know is that for me, angels and gods are unnecessary when I am blessed with a friend like Theodis Bryant. I love you and I’ll miss you Theodis, but I’m a better person because of you. Thank you.
Theodis was born in Mississippi into a world of absolute poverty coupled with the physical handicap of being partially deaf, partially blind and with a speech impediment. How’s that for the “Got Screwed” trifecta? And although he had limited vision and very limited hearing, the state and his mother felt it necessary to put him in a school for the blind in Boston. The details of that decision don’t matter much now except to say that it’s quite possible Theodis would have received a different type of special education today instead of being put into “the system.”
As time went by with Theodis in Boston and his mother in Mississippi and later moving to Trenton, New Jersey she loses track of him and after another period of time assumes he is dead. There is no communication, no knowing where the mother is, nothing. And she figures that because she has gotten no correspondence, he’s dead. Meanwhile, Theodis has graduated from this school for the blind and has been placed in a program for mildly handicapped adults in a suburb of Boston where he builds on the self-esteem and other skills learned all those years in the institute.
And that’s when it happens. A graduate student takes a job while at Boston University to help mildly handicapped adults. A young, well-bred white girl and this middle-aged, handicapped black man. She helps him with things like grocery shopping, getting his haircut, keeping his apartment clean, etc. Theodis and those like him can do these things on their own, but he (and they) needs help and reminding on a regular basis. After the initial mistrust on Theodis’ part, they become friends. A friendship turning into a reciprocated love that lasts 25 years, long after this young graduate student has left Boston for bigger and better things.
Years later when this former grad student is married to your humble writer, I am introduced to Theodis. By now he’s a little older with a couple of flecks of gray in his hair as the age of 50 is staring at him. But he’s a proud man; a man who knows what life has dealt him and doesn’t care. Fortunately for me, we become friends. And for too short a time I have a friend with no strings attached, a friend who is genuinely happy to talk to me on the phone and to see us when we make the all too infrequent trip to Boston. A man who got his ass kicked by life but who always got up, whose heart was pure and who only wanted the human interaction that only true friendship can provide.
For reasons that are obvious, Theodis was not quick to trust. There were things he didn’t understand and he sometimes was quick to blame “The Man” for a perceived slight against him or his race. But he didn’t hate. He coped as best he could and moved on. He took each day one at a time and made the best of it, keeping track of his Red Sox, Patriots and Celtics. Later on he even made contact and developed a loving relationship with a son that he had fathered when he was younger. He became the loved father, father-in-law, and grandfather that he deserved to be. It was through this son and his wife that we found out about Theodis’ passing.
A soul like Theodis’ is rare in this world. I know nothing of his religious beliefs, if any. If he did believe in a god, he would have had every right to shake his fist and curse a Supreme Being who had looked at Theodis and said, “You’re on your own.” What I do know is that for me, angels and gods are unnecessary when I am blessed with a friend like Theodis Bryant. I love you and I’ll miss you Theodis, but I’m a better person because of you. Thank you.
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