The Deep Freeze

    So I was revisiting a great novel last week written by Don DeLillo way, way back in 1997. Wow, boss! That was way before I was born! Very funny, Sancho. Anyway...as with most, if not all, of DeLillo's work...it's great. This isn't a book report, but in a nutshell it's about cryogenics...the process of freezing a body in the hope of reviving it in the future. Now, this is usually done when there is a traumatic event involved: disease, severe trauma...whatever. DeLillo centers his novel, Zero K, around a young man, Jeff Lockhart and his estranged billionaire father, Ross Lockhart. The father's new wife, is entering the cryogenics facility due to a debilitating and inoperable disease, and Jeff's father would like him there with them at the facility. DeLillo is brilliant dealing with the intersecting relationships between father and son and ex-wife and stepmother; but also with the science, psychology, and philosophy of cryogenics. Again, it's a great read, because, hey...it's DeLillo!

    But all of this got me thinking about cryogenics, in and of itself. And being a dork (and wondering what we did before Google!), I found 3 cryogenics facilities in the United States alone (beautiful and tasteful websites all), along with a handful of others around the world. The descriptions are great. You feel like you're reading a brochure for that long-awaited trip to Hawaii, or The Maldives. "At Tomorrow Bio we offer all-inclusive human cryopreservation plans. Once you sign up, you won't have to worry about finding a third party." Or, "Now, a good way to decide if Tomorrow Bio is the provider you are looking for is by scheduling a call with one of our experts. Or join our Discord server, where you can meet and discuss with members of cryonics communities from around the world." All humor aside (and for someone like me there is more than a little humor involved here), there is that long-awaited vacation-feel to it all. But then again, who am I, right?

    However, none of this answers the question...Why? In Zero K, DeLillo's focus is on the son, Jeff. He wanders around this huge facility that is located somewhere in the deserts of Asia. Jeff, like me, is the skeptic. He talks to medical people, administrators...even a monk. His questions focus on the aforementioned, Why? and...Does this actually work? The second question is much more easily answered, in the novel as well as in real life, than the first. And the answer to the second question is, Well, we won't know that for years. And in fact, it may never work. In an interview for MIT Technology Review a couple of years ago, Clive Coen, who is a neuroscientist at King's College London in England told the interviewer that cryonics is "a hopeless aspiration that reveals an appalling ignorance of biology." Well, now. Call me gullible, but if a neuroscientist says something like that...I'm out.

    But let's talk about that process for a minute. According to one website (ALCOR, the oldest cryopreservation facility in America), if you're all in, the process begins as soon you're declared legally dead (and don't get me started about the argument of what is or is not considered legally dead, but I digress). At that moment your organs are still viable. Moving as fast as they can, a cryonics team (who have been waiting outside your hospital room for up to a week, like those dark spirits in the movie, Ghost!) moves you to an ice bath, replacing your blood with an organ-preserving solution. Once you arrive at ALCOR'S facility in Arizona, you get cryoprotectants, or chemicals that prevent the formation of ice crystals that may damage organs, released into your bloodstream. Your body is then cooled to MINUS 320.8 degrees Fahrenheit (Honey! Don't forget to put on my socks!) and you're stored in a tank filled with liquid nitrogen...Brrrrr! 

    You might be asking yourself, "Who does this?" I know I did. Well, the most famous American is probably Ted Williams, the Hall-of-Fame baseball player for the Boston Red Sox. There's also a Bitcoin pioneer named Hal Finney. The first-ever person was James Bedford who died in 1967 at age 73 from kidney cancer. The youngest ever preserved is two-year-old Kathryn Naovaratpong, a Thai girl with brain cancer. She was preserved in 2015. Said an ALCOR spokesperson, "Both her parents were doctors, and she had multiple brain surgeries. Nothing worked, unfortunately. So, they contacted us." And to be clear, every one of these people suffered from some kind of cancer, ALS, or heart disease. 

    I have to be honest with you, I sort of get the young child having this done, or done for her. You know the parents are thinking about the long life this child is going to miss out on and their hearts are broken and they'll do anything to try and make something good come out of this. But most of these people are in their 70s or 80s. What's the point? I mean, it's not a fountain of youth. It's not a Benjamin Button deal. You're gonna wake up, assuming they EVER figure out how to do that, and you're still going to be 82-years-old! Really? But I digress.

    But hold on...there's more. They take pets, too!! Alright! Woo-hoo! Easy, Sancho. I will stuff you and put you on the mantle before I shell out $132,400 big ones so that you can eat space-mice and astro-birds in the 23rd century! That's right, kids! $133-large. FOR THE DOG OR CAT! Now you could just do the brain for your pet, for the low, low price of $32,300. But c'mon...what's the point?

    So back to the important question, at least for me, which is...Why? Obviously, human beings have a certain sense of hoping for an elongated life. It just seems like part of the human condition. As I've written before in this space, I think ancient humans stared at the dead, wondered, "Well, what now? Is that it?" And that was the rudimentary beginning of religion. Maybe some people think their life sucks, or they don't want to go out in a depressing, painful, horrific fall into the abyss. Wake me up in 50 or 100 years and let's hope for something better. Or like the young girl, there's a desperation involved where it's too painful to see a life cut so short. This is why at the ALCOR facility alone, they currently have 206 "patients," 1,415 dues paying members, as well as approximately 50 pets.    

    Well, good luck. Not to be the voice of cynicism here, but there's no evidence whatsoever that this will work. It ain't Star Trek. Advocates remain hopeful because of advances in which sperm, embryo and stem cells can be cryopreserved and thawed successfully. And in 2016, researchers cryopreserved and thawed a rabbit brain without causing any structural damage. But not to put too fine a point on it, human brains are, how do I put this delicately, WAAAYYYY more complex than a rabbit's brain...well, except for maybe a couple of human brains. And we know who THEY are, don't we!! You're an idiot! 

    Wait a minute, Boss! How much to put you on ice? I've saved a couple of bucks! Well my friend, that's a good question. If I did have a moment of lunacy and say yes to this, or in the unlikely event someone convinced me by saying something like, "Oh, please Peter. Preserve yourself so that future generations can witness your beauty, intellect, and talent. A whole new generation of readers can enjoy From The Golf Room! And at the very least, this new generation of people can learn to call you an IDIOT!" Anyway, if that happened it would cost me $200,000 for the Full Monty (body and brain), and $80K for just my brain. I'm a little worried that once they realize it's Peter Brent Hall, the price for just my brain might go up significantly! (See what I did there? I crack myself up...) You'd be lucky if they TAKE your brain, let alone the Full Monty...idiot! 

    So, there we are kids! In the end, no reputable scientist or ethicist is endorsing this. It's all science fiction and, I think, pretty naive. The only group getting excited about the possibility are people who specialize in studying the distant future or people who have a stake in wanting you to pay the money to do it. 

    And just for the sake of argument, let's say it was possible. I still say no. Life is short. It's what makes it precious. It's why we need to work so hard to make it count. 

Write to Peter: magtour@icloud.com