Various and Sundry

    Hey, we're back! The gang's all here! Any other cliches you'd like to bore us with, Boss? Ummm...Hit 'em straight! Please, just stop. Okay, I'm done. I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend. One filled with laughter, friends and family, plenty of American flags, barbecues and pools, and most importantly, reflection for the fallen. But just know, Sancho, that this piece almost didn't make it into the Cloud, so to speak. Why not? Well, I was ashamed, embarrassed, and intellectually and emotionally flogging myself for my heinous crimes. I had to put myself into one of those timeout corners! I know I'm going to regret asking...but what did you do? Well, it seems that I was responsible for climate change and racism. Really? You...Peter Brent Hall...personally!? Well, Jane Fonda said so. It seems, that me and others like me, you know, middle-aged white guys, are guilty. Here's one of her quotes at the Cannes Film Festival: "This is serious. We’ve got about seven, eight years to cut ourselves in half of what we use of fossil fuels, and unfortunately, the people that have the least responsibility for it are hit the hardest. Global South, people on islands, poor people of color. It’s good for us all to realize, there would be no climate crisis if there was no racism. There would be no climate crisis if there was no patriarchy." Now, it's easy to ignore a nitwit like Ms. Fonda and treat her like a human piñata, if for no other reason than her sheer stupidity. But she has her opinions and is more than entitled to them and to share them whenever she wants. It is everyone's inalienable right to be stupid. Anyway, this piece isn't about Ms. Fonda. We'll get back to her at a later date. I mean, I still need to process how she has two Oscars and her father has just one! But I digress... I'm just shooting darts after a long weekend, to get back in the groove, as it were.
    First of all, I'd like to thank everyone's OG, my good friend Rich Giordano, for his correction to a recent piece I wrote titled, Deep Freeze. He reminded me of the difference between cryonics and cryogenics. While reading multiple websites, I admit to not paying enough attention to the two words and taking these websites' definitions verbatim. No excuse. I told Editor-at-Large, Man About Town Chip Magee, that we need to put Rich on the payroll. Chip said, and I quote, "We can't afford him!" Ain't that the truth. Anyway, thanks G! I promise to do better. 

    Let's see, what else. A couple of weeks ago all hell broke loose because at least 10 media outlets published stories saying that a book by the young poet, Amanda Gorman, was banned in Florida. This story went, what's the word, "Viral", for a number of reasons: 1) Gorman spoke at Biden's inauguration; 2) at the age of 19 (she's currently 25) Gorman was named the nation's first National Youth Poet Laureate; 3) the word 'banned' gets everybody fired up, including your humble correspondent; 4) it happened in Florida and so everybody who hates the governor down there, one Ron DeSantis, assumed he drove to the school where the banning allegedly took place, stole the book, sailed out to sea and threw the book in the ocean, and 5) Amanda Gorman is black. 

    Now, that last thing shouldn't matter. Doesn't matter to me. And I have a feeling it doesn't matter to a lot of you. She's got talent, and for me, that's all that matters. And not to put too fine a point on it, but in my opinion (not that it matters), our nation's finest living poet is one, Jay Wright. His work is beautiful, difficult and worth reading. Mr. Wright is black. And again, that shouldn't matter. But like many of those who love to be perpetually outraged and went batshit-crazy, Ms. Gorman's color mattered...a lot. And that's a problem. 

    But to be fair, NONE of the things I just mentioned above should matter...you know why? No, why boss? THE BOOK WASN'T BANNED! Not banned, boss? No, Sancho, not banned. It was removed from a shelf in a library "media center" for grade-schoolers and put on a shelf for middle-schoolers. This was ONE library at ONE school and it was MOVED to a different shelf. The curator, for lack of a better word, at this library got a call from an annoying parent saying that the book wasn't appropriate for grade-schoolers. So instead of going through a bunch of hoops with the administration, she MOVED the book from point A to point B. Do you wanna tell me that the parent should have been told, "Kiss my ass," and then hung up on? Okay, that's fair. But that's a whole other argument. Deep breath, boss. The book wasn't banned! It was moved. But do not fear. We'll get back to this, too. Oh, great. 

    Anything else...oh, yeah! The information you all have been waiting for with bated breath! Uh-oh. Our From The Golf Room sports update!!! Those of you that have been following on our streaming service (Streaming Service? Work with me, will you Sancho?) know that in the ongoing series of golf matches between "Team H-Squared" and "Team Uh...We Can't Think of a Name," H-Squared is up a decisive, 2 matches to 0. That's Zero as in Nil, Nothing, Haven't Won Yet. You love this, don't you, Boss. Oh...Yes! 

    In the second match held at Hopewell Valley Golf Club, in central Jersey (a beautiful course with some great golf holes), H-Squared cruised through the front nine as I thought I could get under the skin of Mr. John Dardes and Mr. Ric Flagg by singing Bread songs. You know, that great 70s soft-rock band! And it worked!! Guitar Man and Baby, I'm-a Want You were filling the air. Won two holes by doing that. Those two couldn't get out of their own way as I was crooning up the fairway. Unfortunately, it was screwing up my partner, the great Dr. Hovick, as well. You see, Doc is a real doctor. He doesn't just play one on TV. He's got one of those, what do you call 'em, stethoscopes and everything! And he needs to concentrate. So, before I really ruined everything with a full-blown rendition of Mandy (and who doesn't love Barry Manilow!), I had to stop... I'd have nailed it, too! 

    Didn't matter! Thanks to Doc's impeccable play, H-Squared closed out those other guys on the 18th hole. Pay the winners!! So, if you're looking for the next match on our From The Golf Room pay-per-view channel/streaming service, we'll keep you posted. I'm a little nervous, though. Doc is planning to host the next event at his club in West Chester, Penn Oaks Golf Club. But every time he makes a time, that other team is conveniently out of town. Hmmm...don't remember Nicklaus or Woods ever hiding. You're an idiot. They just don't want to hear you sing anymore. Could be, or they could just be trying to think up a name! 

    And last, but certainly not least...our From The Golf Room Alaska weather update. Why do you bore people with an Alaska weather update? I just love the fact that some of my readers and I know someone who lives in such an exotic and quasi-different place. And I think Alaska qualifies! Anyway, it has been relayed to me that while it's still a little cool, if not cold, the snow is gone and the grass is turning green. Good news! Here's the fun part, kids; Sunrise - 3:37 am, Sunset - 11:54 pm! That's over 20 hours of sunlight, homes! Can you imagine being a parent who just moved to Alaska and you forget about the long days? So you're kids head out to play after dinner and you say, like all parents do, "Hey, make sure you're home before dark!" "Huh? Oh, okay, Mom! Before dark. No problem!" "Well now. Why do you think they're laughing at me!" Mom, you won't see those kids until the next morning! 

    Say goodnight, Sancho. Goodnight, Sancho.

write to Peter: magtour@icloud.com